Chapter 5: Part 6
We soon found ourselves in the courtyard of the apartment building where lots of vampire ninjas lived.
It was a high-class brick building. Tomonori’s room was the innermost room on the first floor, and if you went out on the veranda of that room, you could see a spacious green lawn spread out on all sides in front of you.
I could imagine that they used this space for barbeques, or inflatable pools, or games of catch. For a sports-addicted outdoors person like Tomonori, this courtyard was probably indispensible.
Anyways, I suppose I should explain. Yagli Gures is-
Yagli Gures is Turkey’s national sport. It is a traditional combat sport with over six hundred and fifty years of history, where the combatants cover their bodies in olive oil before fighting.
After hearing Yuu’s explanation, Sera and Saras both pierced me with deadly glares.
Both of them were wearing snug female wrestling uniforms. Saras was slender and looked quite the part, but when Sera wore that uniform with her good style… with her big and bouncy good style… you could just feel huge waves of sexiness coming off of her.
“To make it simple, we can just call it ‘oil wrestling’!”
It seemed that Haruna now completely understood what was going on after hearing Tomonori’s explanation.
“What is it, Haruna?”
“You. Are. The. Worst! You eroterrorist!”
“Don’t start randomly sticking ‘of Joytoy’ after my name.” (1)
The two competitors came back over under this cold night’s sky after having covered their bodies in olive oil. They weren’t complaining, but those eyes of theirs really were piercing daggers into my skull.
But, just as I had foreseen, neither of them tried to stop this.
Saras tied up her long hair, while Sera rolled her ponytail into a bun.
And then, now all oiled up, the two of them looked at each other. Ahh, this was nice. Yup. The view was just lovely right now. My face was probably already heating up.
“By the way, we made it so Aikawa gets shocked whenever someone gets a point!”
Again? Why did they make it like that?!
“Okay, I’ll be the judge! Ready?! Fight!!”
Haruna had changed into a tuxedo and bow-tie, and was now standing beside the two contestants with her ahoge waving left and right. Wait, Haruna being the judge was…
Does Haruna know the rules?
“Well, she can just use wrestling rules or something.”
Saras and Sera bent down to make themselves harder to push over and then locked hands. At that point…
“Ten points each!”
Haruna spread her arms out. At the same time, I felt a little shock to my side. Gah, that tickles! What th ehell was that? If you want to shock me, then come at me full force! Also, what were those points for?
The two combatants jumped away from each other. Sera looked serious while Saras didn’t look stressed at all.
“Here I go.”
Sera moved her body to the side. In the next instant, she appeared behind Saras. As expected, Sera’s speed was top-notch.
However, Saras was so slippery that Sera couldn’t really get a good hold.
Nwaaaaaaaaagghg!!! My nipples, right to my nipplessss!! Why was she sending electricity to such a sensitive part of my body?!
“Ten more points!”
Gyaahhh!! Nobody had even done anything but she was giving them points.
“Oh, another ten points while we’re at it!”
Whose points exactly?! I saw Saras use Sera’s strength against her and push Sera’s body to the ground.
“Another ten points on the nose!”
“Ah, that would’ve gotten points in normal wrestling too!”
“Hueh? Okay, then add those points on!”
Tomonori-san, you really don’t have to say any- gyaaaaaaaahhh!! My eyes! My eyes! Electricity going through my eyes!
That beautiful sight of two slippery women locked together… that wonderful sight was…!!
“Ohh! That was awesome! Never thought you could do it like that!”
The only way for me to try and figure out what was going on was now Haruna and Tomonori’s pointless commentary. I could also hear the sexy voices of Sera and Saras as they groaned in exertion, but because of the electricity running through my eyes I couldn’t see anything.
They think they can do whatever they want to me just because I’m a zombie. Goddammit…
When the electricity stopped, I saw that there was one person left standing… and that was Haruna.
Sera and Saras were both collapsed on the round. And the one who had been pinned was… Sera.
Did this mean Saras had won?
“That was such an awesome match!”
Bwaang! Apparently Tomonori had brought a gong over from somewhere.
Yes, draw. It cannot be helped.
Dammit! What couldn’t be helped?! What happened?!
“Tomonori, what happened?”
“Eh? You mean the counterattack? Well it was like…”
Tomonori went behind me, wrapped her arms around my waste… and then threw me back in a stunning German suplex.
I couldn’t do anything but squeal out in pain.
“Aikawa~~~. Now’s not the time to be squealing like that. You gotta counterattack, or we can’t recreate what happened! Weren’t you even watching?!”
I asked you precisely because I couldn’t watch… this damn idiot.
The two girls slid across the lawn, still covered in olive oil, and came over to us. When they did that, Haruna didn’t hesitate before shouting.
Eh?! That also earned them points? G-Gahhh, my groin! Electricity in my groin!
As expected, electricity is the best in death matches.
Usually Yuu would be the person who came to my aid, but it seemed like today she wasn’t on my side.
“But now it’s still a tie. What should we do for the tiebreaker?”
“Ugh, can’t we just settle this with rock paper scissors or something?”
And like that, we entered into the true final battle.
“Welcome to hot explosive rock paper scissors, sudden death battle!”
Haruna adjusted her bowtie and looked at the two contestants.
What the hell was “hot explosive rock paper scissors”? But it seemed like I was the only one who was confused. Ugh, I felt so alone…
“Hot explosive rock, paper… rock paper fingeeeerrrr!!!”
Haruna yelled, and the two of them thrust their hands in front of them. With the way Haruna had yelled that, of course both of them had put out paper. Both of them had their fingers slightly curled like claws and pushed out in front of them. (2)
Anyways, it was anohter tie.
“Okay, game ends in a tie!”
“Wait, just keep on going until someone wins.”
“Huh? I already said it, right?! This was sudden death rock paper scissors! That means only one round!”
Yeah, you said sudden death, but that’s not what that means… (3)
Well, we were at one victory each and three ties now. I guess we had to have another battle…
I would like to try Yagli Gures too.
“Yuu…” Just imagining Yuu covered in oil and locked with someone else threw me into a trance, and I completely forgot about all the electricity and other crap that had happened. I wasn’t thinking dirty thoughts… I was more thinking about just how extremely charming it would be to see Yuu doing that. Guhehe.
At that point, Saras burst out laughing.
Seeing that, Sera also began to laugh. Their sudden laughter left the rest of us utterly confused.
“I apologize. Suddenly I feel everything has become quite absurd.”
“Yes, I agree. It’s quite absurd how serious we became about all this…”
“Indeed. It seems like there was another adversary we had not taken notice of.”
The two of them both looked at Yuu, the glint of battle in their eyes. Eh? What just happened? Did they not care about their contest anymore?
“What the hell are you two saying?”
“We have merely come to a mutual understanding that Hellscythe-dono is our biggest rival here.”
I couldn’t make heads nor tails of Sera’s explanation… but whatever. Even if they started fighting again, it’s not like I cared. I mean, sure I’d just get shocked more by electricity, but whatever.
“So what are you going to do with the udon then?”
They can just share it.
“Udon? Hey, Aikawa. What’s this about udon?”
Oh, right, I guess nobody ever explained to Tomonori exactly why we were fighting like this.
“The winner of this thin gets that limited-edition udon. You know, the one that would surprise Hiraga Gennai-”
“Ah, that seafood udon.”
“Saras bought the last one, but Sera really wanted to eat some, so…”
“Eh? You should’ve told me. I bought like thirty of them.”
I completely forgot. Tomonori was just as crazy about convenience stores as I am. So it wouldn’t be strange to expect her to also go fishing for the limited-edition stuff.
Like this, we were all able to enjoy the seafood udon together.
But, that didn’t mean this was over. Hell, things had just begun.
We soon found ourselves in Tomonori’s room, enjoying the seafood udon. Yuu was the first one to finish, and she showed me a memo.
What about the penalty for the game’s loser?
Everyone fell into deep thought after seeing Yuu’ smemo.
Wait wait wait… everything had ended in a tie, so there wasn’t any need for a penalty anymore. Right?
“Yes. The penalty was… a kiss with Orito, right?”
She was the one who had proposed that, but it seemed that Saras had completely forgotten.
The kiss was a sacred thing to the vampire ninjas. Even if the kiss happened by accident, it would be taken as a sign of marriage, and they would become the other’s spouse. So, from the minute Saras decided that was going to be the penalty, she was probably pretty convinced that they would never follow through with it.
“Yes. A penalty for whoever lost our contest. Or… for when Ayumu sexually harassed anybody.”
Gulp. Was it my imagination, or did Sera put a really strong emphasis on the words “sexually harassed” there?
“Ah! So you’re saying that maybe Aikawa was thinking dirty thoughts when he chose Yagli Gures?!”
Tomonori was running her mouth way more than usual today, wasn’t she?!
“Wait, no, I was just trying to simply suggest a legitimate sport…”
Haruna is the judge.
“Eh? Ah. Of course he’s guilty. Ten points, ten points!”
Isn’t it obvious? Haruna seemed bored as she said that while slurping her udon. Hey! What the hell?! Is that bowl of udon more interesting to you than I am?!
(1) A reference to the model Yinling of Joytoy, whose published autobiography is titled “LOVE ERO-Terrorism.”
(2) A reference to Shining Finger, a Gundam attack where the hands are positions like this.
(3) In Japanese, if you take the word for sudden death and decompose the kanji literally, it could be misinterpreted as “single round.” This ambiguity unfortunately doesn’t carry over to English.