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Prologue – Counterattack Trial!


“Would the accused, Aikawa Ayumu, please enter the courtroom?”

Called by that beautiful voice, I stepped into that place.

We were in the school’s A/V room.

A huge screen was spread out so that everybody in the big room could see it, and in front of the screen were VCRs and projectors meant for teachers to use for class.

During the culture festival, they were using this room for movie shows. But usually, this room was only used for some random research seminars, so it was usually free.

I could see a few familiar faces in this room today.

There were many desks lined up in the room. Usually, the desks would be lined up parallel to the screen, but today there were two desks facing each other, and lined up front to back.

Yes, they had fashioned an emergency, half-assed courtroom in this A/V room. You could say we were in a “Summary Court” if you wanted to (1).

I was in between those two desks which were facing each other. I was in a chair that had been plopped right in the center of the room, so before anybody said anything to me…

“I’ve done nothing wrong.”

Bang bang.

“Shut up, don’t talk! Nobody’s given you any permission to talk!”

A single girl stood up at the teacher’s platform, her body wrapped in a black outfit that looked like she had stolen it right from Francisco Xavier. She was 1.45 meters tall, had big, catlike eyes, and this brat who looked no older than a middle schooler was serving as today’s presiding judge. She was probably the worst person in the world to be put in charge of a trial…

Sitting on her left and right were people who were probably the jury. There were four of my classmates there, as well as one of the freeloaders staying in my house.

There was also a girl sitting in a seat on the judge’s right hand side, who probably was acting as the prosecutor. She called out to me.


Her voice rang clearly through the air. She was probably the one who had called me earlier. She must’ve been really angry, considering the judge was usually the person who called the accused to the stand.

She had black hair and a ponytail. A suit was hiding her model-like proportions.

“Well, uhh… I think you already know my name…”

Bang bang.

“Stop complaining and answer the question!”

The judge shouted and pounded a hammer onto what looked like one of those red ink pads people used with their signature seals. They probably couldn’t find a proper gavel on short notice.

A juror next to this girl was awaiting further instructions. She had silver hair and was wearing a set of plate armor and gauntlets. She passed me a memo.

We must establish your identity. Answer the question.

If even she was saying that, then I guess I had no choice. I dutifully gave my name.

“… I’m Aikawa Ayumu.”

“Age, occupation? Death penalty!”

The judge clicked her tongue and asked me more questions. For some reason… I get the feeling that she had also already passed judgment on me… but that can’t be. Yeah.

“Sixteen. High school student.”

A few days had passed since we had gone to a mixer with Kyouko in order to find out how to beat Chris, the masou shoujo who had stolen Haruna’s magical energy.

Today was the sixteenth day of December, and a Saturday, so there wasn’t supposed to be any school. But I was suddenly summoned, and when I got there I was treated to this stupid randomness.

“Do we really have time for this? Shouldn’t we be training to beat Chris or getting information or something? There are plenty of other things to do.”

I muttered that, which caused the ponytailed girl to narrow her eyes and glare at me.

“It is almost the New Year. If we don’t reflect on all the things you’ve done over the past half year, then we can’t proceed in good faith. This trial is thus necessary.”

It seemed that they wouldn’t be happy unless we did this trial… geez.

“Fine fine. Let’s just get it over with.”

The ponytailed girl took a few documents in her hand and stood up.

“Well then, please allow me to read the indictment out loud. Official Indictment. The accused, Aikawa Ayumu, has continued committing multiple acts of sexual harassment to this date. We claim that these acts are excessively vulgar, and are asking the honorable judge to pass down the death penalty.”

“Don’t just read out the indictment and then immediately demand sentencing!”

Bang bang.

“Death by Phalaris’s Cow!”

They were going to use a terrifying torture device from ancient Greece to carry out the sentence?

The judge was being completely useless, so the silver-haired girl passed me a memo to get things moving along.

The accused has the right to silence. He has the right to not say anything that may prove to his disadvantage.

“Okay.” Maybe we should switch the judges right now? Wouldn’t that be better?

In response to the indictment read out by the prosecutor, how do you plead?

“Umm, not guilty.”

“Okay, looks like it’s a good time for the defense to come in then!”

The judge announced that, and my lawyer walked in. She was a boyish-looking girl wearing a sailor’s uniform. Instead of bringing in law books, she was holding a Japanese dictionary…

“Aikawa is a perv, but he’s definitely not an old man who goes around sexually harassing everything!”

That was the first thing this short-haired, sailor-uniformed girl loudly said as soon as she walked into the room.

“… Y-You’re my lawyer?! I’m not sure about that! Don’t let an idiot defend me!”

Well then, the prosecution may begin presenting arguments.

“Okay… the prosecution plans to show that the accused, Aikawa Ayumu, is an extremely vulgar piece of trash, more revolting than a stink bug, and akin to the disgusting dandruff that falls on your shoulders. Our evidence will attest to that.”

It seemed that they had chosen the A/V room to be converted into a courtroom so we could show videos on screen.

“I object!”

The short-haired girl sharply pointed her index finger at the ponytailed girl.

“Hueh? Object to what?” Both the judge and I had our mouths open with surprise.

“Ah, nothing! I just wanted to try saying that!”

Teehee. Sorry about that! The short-haired girl seemed to be saying that as she bowed her head slightly.

“Okay then. Overruled.”

“I object to this girl being my lawyer!”

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(1) In Japanese, summary court is translated to “kan’i saibansho,” which literally translates to “simple courtroom.” So there is a pun here.

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2 thoughts on “Prologue

  1. Thanks for the chapter. Also:
    (1) There’s a footnote marker for the title, but no footnote.
    (2)The torture-execution device is called “Phalaris Bull” or “Phalaris Bronze Bull” (it lacks udders but dones certain other “attributes”).

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